


the study of a moment

by minyxrd_03



Category: Raven Cycle - Maggie Stiefvater
Genre: Drabble, M/M, a lot of yearning from afar, and falling in love immediately, just ronan seeing adam for the first time
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-08
Updated: 2019-07-08
Packaged: 2020-06-24 12:50:39
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,955
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19724023
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/minyxrd_03/pseuds/minyxrd_03
Summary: sitting by himself in a college coffee shop, ronan sees adam for the first time from across the room. it may not be love at first sight, but he knows, if given the chance, it could be something incredible.or nearly 3000 words of ronan silently yearning from afar





	the study of a moment

**Author's Note:**

> hope you enjoy! just a lot of pretentious yearning ahead. also i'm a university student and i openly insult university students in this. follow me on tumblr minyxrd-03

Life could stop in a moment. Not in a ‘life is short, you never know when you’re going to die so you better make the most out of it’ kind of way. But in the way that it slows down and everything feels like it’s falling a bit behind. It’s like, sometimes the normal pace isn’t enough time for processing. Sometimes something big happens and it’s not always apparent that it’s something big at the time, but the universe recognizes that it is and slows itself down a little bit. Just so there’s a little more time to take everything in. 

Today, the universe slowed down on this seemingly inconsequential moment because it knew that this moment was anything but: 

It started with the opening of a door, as many important things did. A sea of college students entered, signified by their varsity jackets, and their school pride sweaters and backpacks, crammed full with notebooks and unfinished papers and a semester’s worth of material they hadn't touched in weeks. 

_Sea_ was perhaps a strong term for what was only a wave. There were five of them that walked in, and they moved with the speed, volume, and ferocity of stormy waters. All of them but one.

The one did not move as the others did. The one moved carefully, unable to keep up with the ebbs and flows of its surrounding peers. The one stood in the center, lost to the control of the universe who recognized that this was a big moment. So for a moment - and many more to come - this one stood out from the rest, slowed down for someone here to remember this moment exactly as it happened. 

_Someone_ sat at a table in the back of the coffee shop. _Someone_ had walked in only moments earlier - quieter and not wanting to be seen. Only a drop compared to this wave that had just come barrelling in. 

_Someone_ was Ronan Lynch, and Ronan Lynch did not wish to be here. Ronan did not particularly like college students. He didn't like the way they thought they were better than everyone else and he didn't like the way they made life a competition of who had it the worst. ‘Oh, you only got 4 hours of sleep last night? I only got 2.’ ‘You didn't start working on your paper until the night before it was due? I didn't start until an hour before it was due.’ He didn't like the way they acted like they knew more than everybody else. Ronan could get drunk on a Tuesday afternoon and pretend he was sober, too. Ronan could stay up all night and stress about life, too. He didn't need to spend thousands of dollars on an education to do so. 

So why might Ronan Lynch - hater of college students and their unnecessarily large egos - be sitting in a college coffee shop? Well, the answer to that was running late and because of this, was forcing Ronan to endure this incoming wave of college students. It had been his intention to keep his head down to avoid any potential interaction with someone who wanted to talk to him about what ‘utterly fascinating thing they learned in philosophy today’ or how Shakespeare was actually really interesting if you could just understand the language. But a wave this loud was hard to ignore, and so Ronan tilted his head up and the passage of time hit a lull. 

It was the one that lagged behind, caught up in the middle of the wave that crashed around him. The wave became loud in a quiet way - their noise being hushed by the one who stood surrounded by it all. He drowned the wave. He was quiet in a loud way. He did not yell as the others around him did. He did not try to be overheard by the wave and listened to it instead. He listened to their noise, their stories, their questions, and he laughed quietly in response to their jokes. 

He laughed and _this_ was the wave that Ronan drowned in. A sound he couldn’t even hear from this far away, but his eyes were lit up and so was his smile, and he looked at the one who had spoken and spoke something back. Just a couple quick words before the wave once again became louder than him. 

Ronan kept watching because it was too late to turn away; he had stared into the eye of the storm and now he could only wait until it passed. But backs were turned to him now as they stood at the counter. Now it was only the back of a head and a soft blue shirt covering wide shoulders. But still, Ronan could not look away. His eyes caught onto a smudge of dirt on the sharp crook of an elbow and he got lost in the way the watch curved around a tan wrist. He latched onto the way he stood, with all his weight on his left foot, tilted slightly to the side. A clad shoulder giving way to a bare bicep and veins and veins, and a hand ending with fingers burrowed in the pocket of faded jeans. 

Then the noise came back. A blur of the wave - because everything was a blur right now besides this one quiet link - spoke up. “Adam,” It said. “I’ll order for you if you go get us a table.” 

_Adam_. Adam. _A d a m._

Adam nodded and he smiled and Ronan sank a little deeper. “Sure, thanks.” 

And Adam turned towards Ronan and Ronan wished for this to be a moment he could live in forever. Really, Adam had not turned towards Ronan. He had turned towards the seating area, and to do so he had to turn towards Ronan. 

Adam scanned the tables, searching for one big enough for him and the storm he’d brought in with him. His eyes passed over Ronan, at which Ronan slumped into his chair. He was not sure he could handle the possibility of Adam actually seeing him. But his gaze passed over Ronan and landed on a table very close to where Ronan was sitting. Ronan saw the way his eyes locked onto it, set with determination. He saw the way his fingers, no longer lost in his pockets, wrapped around the strap of his backpack and hitched it higher onto his shoulder. He saw the way he made his way over to the table and took a seat in the chair farthest from Ronan. Of course, this only meant Adam was facing Ronan. 

Adam shrugged his backpack off of his shoulders and set it on the floor beside him. Ronan leaned forward, captured by all the movements that followed. The curve of Adam’s spine as he bent over to retrieve something from said backpack. The clench of his jaw as he flipped through the textbook he had placed on the table in front of him. The way he lightly tugged his hair, gaze now concentrated on the pages of what Ronan could only assume was the most boring subject ever. It didn't really matter what the subject was; it was school, and therefore it was dull. But Adam’s blue eyes were set so deeply in whatever he was reading that it made Ronan want to hear him read it aloud. He wanted Adam to read to him whatever it was he was so focused on because it couldn’t possibly be boring if Adam cared about it so much. 

It was not long - or maybe it was; who could say - before Adam peeled his eyes away from the book. For a second, Ronan was afraid Adam was looking at him. He straightened himself out, hands tightly clasped around the mug he had barely touched since the wave of students had come clambering in. It was nothing, though, for Adam was not looking at him, but at nothing. He was looking up, at the wall behind Ronan. Most likely, Ronan thought, lost in whatever he’d just been reading. Stressed, perhaps, about an upcoming exam or paper. Ronan had never felt pity for the stress college students had, because he simply thought that if they didn't want that stress, they just shouldn’t go to college; simple as that. But seeing the way Adam drummed his fingers - what Ronan wouldn’t give to have those fingers next to his own - against the tabletop and the way his adam’s apple bobbed as he swallowed, Ronan pitied Adam and his nerves. Ronan had the urge to tell Adam it would be okay; that it was just one grade, one test, one whatever, and in the end it wouldn’t even matter. But Ronan felt he would be wrong. Adam clearly cared about whatever it was he was stressed about, and therefore whatever it was had to be important. It seemed to Ronan, in this moment, that anything Adam cared about had to be important. 

Adam’s gaze fell away from the wall, from nothing, and looked over to the counter where his friends were gathered. Ronan slouched back into his seat, no longer fearing the pressure of somebody like Adam seeing him. 

But because Adam had not seen him, Ronan allowed himself to wonder what it would be like to be seen by somebody like Adam. Adam would know just from a glance that Ronan was not a college student. He would take one look at him and he would just know, Ronan did not belong here. He was a stranger to this world of Adam’s - of stressing over exams and studying with friends over a cup of coffee and showcasing school pride on a sweater. None of this was something Ronan had any desire to partake in, so what was he doing here? And why did he now crave the idea of sitting at that same table, holding a textbook, and learning the same thing Adam was learning? 

Ronan drowned in his own desire. It wasn’t even something he could put a name to, but all he knew was that he was yearning for something. Not even anything big. Just to be sitting there; just to know him. To be able to say his name and have it roll off of his tongue like it was the most familiar name ever. _Adam._

_This is_ Adam. _I’m meeting up with_ Adam. _I was with_ Adam _yesterday. Adam._ All it was was a name, but it was a name Ronan wanted to know. And he wanted to hear Adam say his own name, and he wanted to hear him say it like he’d said it a thousand times. 

_This is_ Ronan. _I’m meeting up with_ Ronan. _I was with_ Ronan _yesterday._

It was overwhelming, the way Ronan wanted this. Just to know him and be known by him. So badly did his heart ache for this, that he almost found himself going over there. He told himself it could not be so bad; he was sitting by himself right now. He looked friendly enough that he would not outright tell Ronan that he did not belong here. 

Even if all he did was go up to him and say, _‘Hi. I’m Ronan.”_ And Adam would say, _‘Hi Ronan, I’m Adam.’_ And Ronan wasn’t sure he wanted to imagine anything after that point, because his mind could not fathom what it would feel like to hear Adam say his name. And because he could not very well approach a stranger and have a conversation that only consisted of an introduction, he did not move. 

Funny how he had not known this name a long time, but he had already drowned in all the possibilities of it. Funny how Ronan wanted to keep the name like a secret for only him. Funny how it was a name Ronan had heard many times before, but hearing it now felt like the only time it had ever been real. _This_ was Adam. 

This was a feeling Ronan could have stayed in forever had the door not opened. Had whoever opened the door not come stumbling over to Ronan’s table and pulled him out of every thought that had been flooding his mind. 

_“Ronan!”_ It was not Adam. It couldn’t be, for Ronan was still looking at Adam and Adam’s mouth had not moved. No, this was Gansey who was the whole reason Ronan had even stepped foot in this college coffee shop. Ronan looked to Gansey who was making his way over to him. “I’m so sorry I’m late. My last class ran pretty late and I had to talk to my professor after about my last exam. Have you been waiting long?” 

Ronan wasn’t sure how long he had been waiting. Right now, he was still catching up. It was like time had been altered once Adam had walked in and now that Gansey had interjected, everything had gone back to normal. Ronan checked the time on his phone. He had not been waiting long. Five minutes maximum. Three minutes longer than Adam and his friends. 

“No,” Ronan said. “I haven’t been here long.” 

“That’s good,” Gansey said. “Still, sorry for making you wait. Should we get going?” 

Ronan wanted to say no, that he was content to sit here and let himself get lost in a sea of Adam, but he knew he could not live in a dreamland forever. He had made plans and he had to go. 

But that didn't stop Ronan from taking one last look at Adam. If this was to be the last time he saw him, he wanted to remember him. 

It as nothing but shock that Ronan felt when he found Adam was looking in their direction. This time it was not behind, around, or mindlessly. Nor was it at Ronan, but Gansey. Adam was staring right at Gansey. And though it made no sense, Ronan felt a brief twinge of jealousy. 

“Gansey!” Ronan felt his heart lurch and it wasn’t even his name that had been said. 

Gansey turned and he looked at Adam and though it made no sense, Ronan’s jealousy grew. A quick and easy grin appeared on Gansey’s face and Ronan wondered what it must be like to have that kind of easy affect on others. All Adam had to do was say his name for Gansey to brighten. 

“Adam!” And it was like a mix of a nightmare and dream for Ronan when Gansey approached Adam’s table. Ronan stood still, for he was standing now, and felt he couldn’t approach. Adam had not called him over, only Gansey. He heard his friend chatting as easily as he always did with everybody he knew. Ronan wondered how Gansey could sink into conversation so easily with somebody like Adam. All Ronan had done was look at Adam and he’d drowned. 

Ronan wanted to say it had only been a second, but he no longer trusted his judgment of time. It could have been minutes since Gansey had disappeared under Adam’s spell, when Gansey seemed to remember Ronan was standing there. 

“Oh, you should meet my friend Ronan.” And it was like words of a nightmare. Ronan had been content to only wish he knew Adam. He had been fine to only wonder what it would be like for Adam to say his name. He had not prepared himself for it to actually happen, and now he was stuck. Because Adam was about to know him and Ronan was unsure if Adam would even want that. But it was too late; Gansey was beckoning him. “Ronan, come here.” And Ronan did, but he did not look at Adam. He wondered if Adam was looking at him. “Adam, this is my friend, Ronan. Ronan, this is Adam. He’s in one of my classes.” 

It would have been rude for Ronan to not look at Adam at this point, and even though ‘rude’ was an adjective many had labelled Ronan as over the years, he did not wish for Adam to be one of many. 

Ronan looked at Adam as he had done many times in the last few minutes, but this time, Adam was looking back. Ronan hoped that this was a moment he could remember in the future. He hoped that one day, he would look back and recall that this was the exact moment Adam would come to know him. There was no going back from this. If he couldn’t live in this, he hoped to at least carry it with him. 

Adam looked at Ronan. His mouth was just slightly agape as if he was going to say something, but had lost the words. It had instead formed a crooked smile that Ronan would not be forgetting anytime soon. 

And when Adam finally seemed to remember what he was going to say, he extended a hand to Ronan. Ronan looked at it, and then at Adam and he wondered how this was not a dream he was having. 

“It’s nice to meet you, Ronan.” He did not speak the name like he was familiar with it. Instead, he spoke it like he wanted to become familiar with it. Like he wanted to know who he was talking about when he said it. He said Ronan’s name like he would be saying it again. 

Ronan took Adam’s hand. Palms touching, fingers overtop of each other, Ronan’s head spinning. 

“It’s nice to meet you, too, Adam.” And it didn't feel familiar yet, but the way Adam’s hand lingered against Ronan’s, and the way his smile grew, and the way that time seemed to slow, Ronan knew that one day it would. It was only a matter of time.


End file.
